I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
