I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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