Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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