i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
