I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
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