some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
