wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
