Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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