Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
