There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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