dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
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i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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