Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
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I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
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No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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