i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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