Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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