I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
