So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
