im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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