Can i not drive my cunt home
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Found your dick twin last night
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
