Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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