I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
