Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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