oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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