hotel room ftw
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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