When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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