Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
