We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
this beer tastes like vomit already
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
