16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
