i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
