smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
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you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
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he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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