when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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