why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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