It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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