You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
