batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize