dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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