not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
