Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
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