Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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