So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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