.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
