Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
