i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
