New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
