dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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