Me. At least after what I've been through.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
