So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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