so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
