we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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