you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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