She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
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My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
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I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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