Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
