we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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