I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
