i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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