ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
