last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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