he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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