I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
