I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
