i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He better not be in your backpack
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize