the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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